Back to Ontario

It seems that many a peeps has been disappointed by my lack of posts lately. Since I am laid up with a bad back today I’ve decided to give my fans what they ask for: A burst of nothing but Mau! Oh happy day!

Before I begin though, I’d like to share a funny/sad fact. I’m truly losing the skills I learned in Quebec. Yesterday, I realized that I was no longer making typos on my English keyboard. Yup. When I first moved back to Ontario, I was constantly fumbling at typing – inserting the wrong character here and there. I’m pleased that I don’t have to stop, scratch my head and wonder, “Where the hell is the proper key?” But it’s also kinda sad.

Anyways, there are a few key things I’d like to write down before I forget because, damn, they were funnier than hell when I moved back to Ontario.

• During my first weekend here, my friend Shruthi came to visit. When she finally arrived, she looked very hesitant when she knocked on the door. It turns out that right before she came to my apartment (I live on the second floor of a house), she accidentally went to the wrong house. How the hell is that possible? Well, I live on Ellis Avenue. She went to my house number on Ellis Crescent, which is right down the street. When she arrived there, she knocked on the door and asked for Maureen… And was escorted to the little 90-something-year-old Maureen who happened to live there. Yup, I have a senior-citizen twin living down the street from me. Whoops! Needless to say, when friends come to visit now, I emphasize that they visit Ellis Avenue, not Crescent.
• On my first day of work at RIM, my manager took me around and introduced me to a zillion people. I was overwhelmed with names and faces, but one stood out. I interrupted my manager and asked the guy, “Wait, don’t I know you from Ottawa?” It turns out that I didn’t know him (which was a relief, because I kept thinking, “I thought his name was Dave! Not Greg!). Nope. I know his twin brother. Hell, I went to SCHOOL with his brother. What are the chances?! For my first month of work, whenever I heard the guy’s voice, I kept wanting to make sarcastic and inappropriate remarks, but then I’d remind myself, “Wait a second Mau, you don’t know him well enough to say that.”
• On my second day of work, I decided to go explore the building on my own a bit. I visited one of the kitchens, didn’t recognize anyone and was about to leave when some guy randomly asks me, “Hey, are you Melanie’s sister?” I was like, “Who the hell is this random person, and how does he know who I am?!” It turns out that he’s one of my sister’s patients, and they had been gossiping about me. When he heard there was a new Tech Writer in his building, and heard my sister’s description of me (hmm, wonder what she said?) he put two and two together.

One of the other big changes in my life since moving is that I have now joined the ranks of automobile owners. That’s right. I got me a car! That being said, it was not a simple or easy process.

Because I’m vehicle incompetent, I enlisted my father’s aid in car shopping. He gave me the task of test driving a few cars before he came, so that I’d be familiar with the different feels of them. Well zomg. The day I arranged to do some test drives, it was raining. And I don’t like driving at the best of times. However, I was more afraid of my father’s reaction than of driving, so I forced myself to go out. I tested a Nissan Versa and a Mazda 7 Hatchback (which I was drooling over).

The moment I drove out of the parking lot in the Mazda 7, I was stressing out madly. I could NOT figure out what was going on, but it kept losing all power (not stalling, but the engine would have absolutely no oomph). I wasn’t even sure if the damned thing was an automatic or standard, because the shifter looked like a zig-zagged automatic and nothing I’d ever seen before. I made it all the way down the street before I turned back and pleaded for help from the salesman. It turned out that the car had the option to drive like an automatic OR a manual, and I had accidentally put it in manual mode. Umm, oops?

The day we went car shopping for real, also turned out to be a blizzard. How lovely! My dad and I braved the highways to go to Stratford, where I test drove a multitude of vehicles. (I was hell bent on finding something, just so I could get this ordeal over with.) However, we finally gave up and returned to KW. By the time we visited a few other lots with no luck (but many more test drives – each with me, white-knuckled behind the wheel) I was ready to give up. (Did I mention that there was one car where neither my dad nor I could figure out how to turn off the damned windshield wipers?)

Before we called it quits, my dad and I decided to visit one last random dealership. And that my friends, is where I met the love of my life. The most hilarious car dealer came out and introduced us to a black 2009 Kia Rio5. It was like at first sight, admiration at the mention of the price, and adoration after I slid behind the wheel. While test driving, I told my dad, “Dad, I want this car.” He started chattering about how we could look at others, etc. and I interrupted him again with, “No. Dad, I WANT this car.”

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how I came to be the proud owner of Utjabanish, which means “car” in Cree. (I briefly contemplated naming it “The Dark Knight/Knave” but this stuck.) My legs have practically atrophied from lack of use since I got it. And I swear, the first time I went grocery shopping, I could hear heavenly choirs singing. I never realized what freedom could be had with a vehicle. I no longer have to consider the weight of the stuff I’m buying in case I have to lug it home. I don’t have to plan my trips around bus times, etc.

Another… Interesting (I use this word hesitantly) experience I had was right before Christmas. My sister texted me, “Want to see Hendel’s Messiah?” A quick Youtube search revelead that I liked that Christmas/Christian song so I said sure. Thank God there are gun laws in Canada because by the end of that night, both Steve and I were ready to put a bullet through either our own heads, or my sister’s. It was long. It was boring. And at the crux of the show, my sister sent me into a massive, MASSIVE giggle fit that had my crying with the effort of containing myself. And at the end of the show, my seat neighbour, a former member of the choir, asked me, “So, did you enjoy the show?” I was beyond impressed with my ability to lie through my teeth and assure him, “It was absolutely lovely!”

That’s it for now folks. It’s time to go put a hot water bottle on my back and self-medicate with cookies. Until next time!

Growing up

Once in awhile I stop and wonder, "How did I get here?"

I'm not talking about getting to certain locations either. No, I'm referring to life. I wonder, "How did I end up in this situation?" or "I never anticipated this for my future, how did I end up here?"

When I first started university, I had the ambition to be a Spanish major. 5 years later I graduated with a degree in History, went on an exchange to Hong Kong and did co-ops across Canada. That was certainly not how I envisioned my university life, but I like how things turned out!

After my undergrad I pursued graduate studies. 2 years later I found myself having withdrawn from university, working full time for a Hepatitis C scholarship program, traveling to Europe, and then living in Montreal. Again, this was never on my life's agenda!

Now here I am again, prepping to move back to Ontario, to a field of work I thought I'd avoid at all costs, and now I'm contemplating buying a car. Having been a pedestrian for the past 8 years, I am probably shocked by that last bit the most.

It's so interesting to see the changes that have been wrought in me. I remember in 2003, my friends and I signed a lease to an apartment together. When we handed over the deposit, I remember literally shaking with nerves and excitement. (My portion of the cheque was only $800.) Now here I am, bandying about the idea of buying $10,000 cars and talking about saving up for a house.

This is one of the reasons why I called my blog, "Mau's Stepping Stones" - because really, no one can anticipated where life will lead them.

"It's ok to ask for help."

I found a website today entitled, "You were doing it wrong". Essentially it's a compilation of confessions from people who realized, late in life that they've been doing things wrong - sometimes the stories are innocuous, sometimes embarrasing and funny. There's a lot of people who mention that they've never learned to pronounce words properly (e.g. segue, salmon, etc.). One person mentioned how they finally learned to eat a kiwi (cut in half and eat with a spoon) and afterwards, 5 people replied with astonishment - they too didn't know how to eat a kiwi properly!


So as I said, most of the stories are funny. But this one caught my eye because it was so much longer than the others. And upon reading it I couldn't help but be touched. It was pretty damned amazing. So amazing that I wanted to repost it here.

There are two things I've done wrong for most of my life.

My folks came over from Korea, and I was born a year after they'd arrived. I grew up in a traditional Korean household, as the oldest of three boys, and was tasked with the duties and responsibilities one would imagine as being typical for anyone who is the oldest sibling of a bunch, as well as being expected to pursue the prototypical and stereotyped alpha Asian male: be the second head of the household, behind the father, accept responsibility for the stupid things your younger siblings may have done, excel in all things academic, and become successful in a professional sense.

So I did all that. I didn't know what else I could do. I studied everything, with most things being genuinely interesting, and a few things being completely dull but pursued due to parental pressure. From an early age, I was picked out from amongst the other school kids and underwent rigorous testing, just to prove I could score greater than the XXth percentile on one test or another. I was given labels as a testament to my test-taking abilities, but the only ones that really stuck were "geek," "nerd," and other pretty base terms that didn't have much to do with intellect at all.

When there was a question, I was expected to answer it. Not just simple questions, but questions that had to do with culture (I'm a first-generation American), or questions regarding neighborhood or family politics (yes, there are neighborhood elders or Korean "godfathers," and all sorts of other related nonsense).

I grew to be a jack-of-all-trades, master of none. I knew a lot about a lot of things, a little about almost everything, but not everything about anything. I had a brief stint at an Ivy League university, at a relatively young age, lived on my own, read Atlas Shrugged, and everything clicked: I am great. I am smart. I will be successful.

I went on to medical school, and for reasons I'll get to in a moment, ended up pursuing a residency in primary care, forgoing the more competitive specialties. I was at the top of my game, and then a whole bunch of things happened at once.

Pop got sick. Really sick. Girl cheated on me, left me. I had no money. I was going to two different plasma centers, cheating the system by coating my pinky nail with nail polish and using acetone I hoarked from the med school to get rid of the dye that lit up under a blacklight at the plasma places, used to mark people so that they couldn't go to multiple centers. I don't think it fooled anyone. I was depressed. Everyone's still looking to me to be the head of the household while my father wasn't doing so well. My academic performance suffered, I shunned my friends, and I tried to fix things on my own, the way I'd always done-- the way I was raised to do.

Professors and attendings would ask if I was ok. Is everything ok? You look worn out. Is everything ok? And I'd say, yeah, everything's fine. I'll just study more, or work more, and things will improve.

Things didn't improve.

One snowless February afternoon (For some reason I always remember it being snowless, even though it almost never snows here), as I was walking back from giving plasma, I got really, really cold. Entering my apartment, I got really lightheaded, and I had a sudden urge to take a shit. So I went. All that plasma they take out of you while you're watching Lifetime movies on those small TVs with the bums who're wondering what a Korean guy is doing giving plasma in an area with no Asian people? They replace it with saline. And that saline must've just gone straight into my bowels. I had a single bout of massive diarrhea, barely made it to bed, and woke up twenty hours later.

I gave up on donating plasma. A few days later, I was stopped in the hallway by the head of neurology-- this is a guy I really didn't know, and he said something like this to me: Hey, look. Look. I don't know what's going on, and I don't know what you're going through. It's none of my business. And then he said this, verbatim: "It's ok to ask for help." And he gave me the number to a psychiatrist.

And really, seriously: I might post funny stories about apples, or other humorous anecdotes about The Way Things Are, but that one phrase was like discovering something so wondrous, so foreign, that my brain could never have fathomed it as a possibility. It's ok to ask for help. So I did. And things got better. My colleagues helped me. My friends helped me. My family helped me: people whom I've known for my entire life helped me. It's always been easy for me to tell other people "that's what friends are for," or "that's what family's for," but it took me decades to accept it for myself as even a mere possibility.

I am very successful now. Professionally, yes, but more importantly, personally: I have FRIENDS. I have FAMILY. I know now that I've had and will always have people who will not simply support me, but HELP me. And more than anything else, these simple facts have helped me become the physician I am now: have advanced my career to the point of pretty much absolute success and satisfaction. My patients like me. Their families like me. The hospital staff likes me. I have the respect of my peers. I feel that I am a decent physician, and a good man. Why?

Because I take my time to break things down so that people understand what I'm talking about when it comes to their loved ones. Because I know it's not just enough to take care of the patient, but that it's also my responsibility to take care of the family and friends and their bedside. Because I am able to admit, often remind myself of, and am supremely humbled by the fact that I was so wrong about two things for most of my life: that for all I may think I know, there's so much I do not know and cannot even fathom to know, still. And that it's ok to ask for help.

I was also wrong about Atlas Shrugged being great.
posted by herrdoktor at 8:12 PM on July 6 [277 favorites]

Tough morning

It was tough getting out of bed this morning. I woke up at 2 AM, and then 6 AM. And then I was woken again at 6:47 by the garbage trucks. I contemplated getting up but I was too cozy so I went back to sleep until 7. And when my alarm clock went off I was still too cozy so I reset it till 7:12. (Not 7:10, not 7:15, because one is too early, the other too late.) But at 7:12 I was still tired so I reset it again to 7:25. And at 7:25 I turned it off again and lay there, trying to muster the energy to rise. But mustering is a lot of work, so I didn't get up until 7:30. Thank goodness I had a shower the night before.

Checklist v2.0

Middle sibling reminded me that I could strike off a few more things from this list after last year's Europe trip. :)

Highlight the things you have done.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (or both.)
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise (I'm counting a cruise along the Ottawa river)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (kinda hard not to)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing (indoors)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (I'm counting a government of Canada commercial...)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (Okay, it was Brownie cookies. Same diff.)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible (!!! Excuse me as I laugh hysterically...)
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Mau's 24 hour plague

Mau added a new life experience to her repertoire today: Passing out on an airplane (while in the air).

Yup. I fainted while on my flight to Toronto today. I've got the scraped knee to prove it!

I wasn't feel very well last night, and when I woke up today it was much worse. I think I have food poisoning - nothing was staying in my stomach (aka I needed gravol and immodium), I was having stomach cramps, nausea, etc. I forced myself to eat breakfast and a frozen dinner for lunch. My plane was delayed and I knew I was a bit weak, but nothing happened. In the air I was feeling worse (I felt like the cabin was waaaaay too hot), and the feeling persisted even after I ate a snack and had some juice.

Suddenly the cabin seemed to get even hotter and the lights got darker. I figured I was either going to pass out or throw up so I started walking towards the bathroom. I have vague memories of trying to grab on to seat chairs to steady myself while I was walking, but by this point the cabin was too dark to see. (I'm pretty sure I just smacked people in the heads/shoulders instead.) The next thing I know, I'm on the floor and people are touching my shoulders on either side, asking if I'm okay.

Which of course I was. Apparently one fainting episode cures all. I got to sit down in the nearest chair, get more juice, fill out some forms, and assure the flight attendant that no, they did not need to call the paramedics. They even lowered the cabin temperature for me and got me some ice to help stay cool. All in all, the incident is more embarrassing than anything! LOL.

I made it to the ground safely (we were only 17 minutes from Toronto) and checked into my hotel. I immediately hoofed it across the street to the Swiss Chalet where I forced myself to eat 3/4 of a quesadilla and some veggies. I'm still feeling nauseated and ill, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not in any danger of croaking in the next 24 hours.

Happy Turkey Day!

I had a terrific long weekend! It was relaxing and fun all wrapped in one.

I started off Friday night by making alfredo sauce from scratch. I've only had alfredo a few times before (usually as part of the pre-packaged frozen Skillet Sensations dinners) but I was seized by the urge to make it. After a slight hiccup at the grocery store (I couldn't find the heavy cream needed for the sauce - instead I found English Cream, Whipping Cream, Table Cream, Cooking Cream, Coffee Cream... Every cream EXCEPT for Heavy Cream) I nabbed all my ingredients (and a bottle of wine) and went home.

The sauce turned out surprisingly well. I ended up using Cooking Cream (with 35% fat). I added a lot more garlic to the sauce than called for, and I also added salt and pepper because it was looking really bland. I'm glad I did. I fried up some veggies (carrots, zucchini and peas) to serve on top of my pasta and it was divine!

The next day I started the day off with a jog and just puttered around my apartment for the morning/afternoon. That evening I had agreed to go out for a Chinese buffet to celebrate Double-10 Day. Apparently it's Taiwan's National Day. I had a terrific time at the dinner - there were 4 other women and we had a ball chatting and stuffing ourselves. It was a nice change because since I moved to Montreal, I've been hanging around with mostly guys, so it was delightful getting a dose of estrogen. I was amazed at the one Chinese girl who joined us - she at SO MUCH! My stomach hurt just watching her. That being said, it was also a pleasure watching her - there's nothing more infuriating than going to a buffet and have someone just nibble here and there and making you feel self-conscious about eating. Well, this certainly was not the case for our group. We ate. And ate. And ate some more.

The next day I went to Old Montreal to go for a walking tour organized by one of the members of Meetin.org. It was really interesting! And it was just a nice change to go to Old Montreal and not look at the same buildings - we took some different routes than I normally take, and I got to learn both some modern and old history (including architectural laws from the 1900s on how to build "sky scrapers", and why old row houses were built the way they were.). The only problem with the walk was the bitter wind that was whistling around. I had to take off my big dangling earrings because they were flapping around in the wind so much. And my Chinese friend (the one I met last night and who decided to blow off a date in order to come to the walk instead) was freeeeezing. She only had a light jacket and no gloves. Yikes!

After the walk I signed up for a movie membership at Club Videotron and rented some films. The plan was to make some homemade cannelloni for dinner and indulge in some more wine. Well. Not only did I make cannelloni, but I also whipped up a caesar salad (with some homemade croutons!) and while I was baking the pasta, I also decided to whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies. I was a veritable domestic goddess!

While enjoying the fruits of my labour I started watching the first of my movies. I rented "My Life in Ruins." It was a cute movie, not excellent, but amusing. It's a bit of a shame because the woman's first movie ("My Big Fat Greek Wedding") was so amazing. This one was full of clichés, stereotypes, and bad dialogue. It had so much potential but flopped. My favourite part of the movie was the portrayal of Canadians. :) We're such a cute nation!

Yesterday morning I forced myself to go for another jog again. I like my neighborhood jogs because I get to see all the side streets and learn the street names. Well, this time I learned to not try to jog on Cote St-Luc again. Ugh. Uphill. With no side streets to go down. Yup. Definitely avoiding that street again.

After cleaning myself up and having some lunch I forced myself to go out shopping. (It was nearly 1PM and I was rapidly losing incentive to go out.) I'm happy that I did go out though because I managed to buy 2 new pairs of pants (I recently admitted to myself that my last pair of black dress pants were too worn out to wear to work anymore). An even happier event was that I successfully got $50 back from a coat I bought last week! (I bought the jacket last week at regular price, but this week there was a 25% sale on it.) I then managed to postpone buying a cute pair of heeled boots I found and wandered around Walmart instead.

Now by yesterday evening all my incentive too cook deserted me, so I just had grilled cheese sandwiches and wine. I watched my second movie, "Fighting." It wasn't a bad movie, but again, the plot wasn't very well developed, the romance aspect was very poor, and you couldn't really sympathic with most of the characters. The only good thing about it was Channing Tatum. He's cute.

And thus ended my weekend. It was just really great and I enjoyed getting out and about!

Humor appetizers

I like to capture the funny points in my life, just so I can look back on them and chuckle. Therefore I'm writing these down before I forgot.

Rosemary
Many of you have met Rosemary, the creepy creepy doll that has become my family's mascot. I was joking with my family that now that Rosemary has emigrated to a French-speaking province, she should have a French name. Well, in one of my rare moments of wittiness, I decided her French name will be "Marie-Antoinette." Why that name? Because Rosemary's head isn't very well attached.

Lost
Have you ever received one of those email forwards that list what best friends do for each other? One of the lines in them reads something like, "I'll answer the phone and help explain to you where you are on your map. Dumbass." I never understood that particular joke until last Thursday. I decided to walk home from work because it was such a nice day. Unfortunately I didn't pay much attention to my directions - I just glanced at them before I left the office. I knew I had to turn somewhere, but couldn't remember where. I ended up just walking along one of the streets. I was 97% sure that the road I was on would eventually meet up with the giant highway near my house, but I wasn't quite sure.

Well, I'm walking. And walking. And walking some more. No highway. Walk some more. By now, it's been at least an hour since I set out on this foolish expedition. I start to wonder, "Hmm, am I sure the streets intersect? What if the highway starts further North...? What if the streets curve?" So I bite the bullet and phone my parents. The conversation goes kind of as follows:
Mau: Hey!
Mom: Hi!
Mau: So uh, are you at your computer right now?
Mom: No, I'm just having dinner. Why?
Mau: Umm, I'm kinda but not really lost.
Mom: ... What?
Mau: Well, I'm pretty sure I know where I am, but I'm getting tired and I just want to make sure that I'm not going to walk longer than I have to...

We ended up hanging up without finding out where I was, but I finally stumbled upon the intersection I was looking for. Unfortunately it didn't look anything like a highway, but I set down along it heedless. My mom eventually phoned me back, this time from her computer and she was able to tell me that I was on the right track. In the end it came to naught as 5 minutes after we hung up (again) I came across one of the metro stations near my area. Oh great and glorious God! Thank you! All in all it took me about 2 hours to get home.

Note to self: Like Paris, Montreal is a lot bigger in real life than on a map. :|

(Hmm. I just googled the route that I took - apparently I walked 7km! (It would have been 8.5km if I completed the walk instead of taking the metro home.)

Montreal digs

Bonjour de Montreal!

I'm pretty sure that everyone who reads my blog is also on Facebook with me, and therefore knows that I've moved to Montreal. However, just in case, here's a quick recap of what's going on.

When I was first hired for my job in Toronto, it was only for an 8 month contract. The program wasn't sure if they'd get more funding from the government and so they couldn't hire me for longer than that. In addition, they told me upfront that if they got more funding, the job itself would move to Montreal and would I be willing to move too? Anyone who's ever done a job interview knows that the only answer to that question is always yes. I never had any intention of actually following through with it, but lo and behold, it turns out that I enjoy my job and decided to actually move!

So on June 29th (mere days after my return from Europe), I finished packing up and my parents and middle sister and her boyfriend helped me migrate to the new province.

First of all, let me say how much I adore my new apartment! It's on the second floor of a small apartment building and I have a balcony and I have huuuuuge windows. (Ugh, and said windows are open right now and it's monsooning rain. I've just put my headphones on so I can't hear the rain and won't think about the water filtering into my apartment, soaking things, etc...) It's much bigger than my place in Toronto. And best of all, it's $120/month CHEAPER. It has its foibles (e.g. the shower pressure isn't strong, the hot water takes forever, the oven is older than my parents, etc.), but nothing I can't handle. It's also really close to the subway, so it only takes me 30 minutes to get to and from work (that's 30 minutes from the moment I close my door to the moment I enter my apartment)! I have to admit though, I'm already missing my free laundry facilities. :S

Montreal so far is a lovely city. And I say this despite the fact that it's been raining 90% of the time since I moved here. (On Saturday I felt like I was caught in a flood!) It has so many patios and terraces. I just really like the vibe - it's like a more chill version of Toronto and with more culture. That being said, it's not without its intimidations. I speak some French, but I still get flustered when people talk to me. Whenever my phone rings at work I suffer a moment of "fight or flight" panic before I pick it up. I then stutter my way through a bit of a message before the other person relents and switches to English.

I've moved and lived in many other cities (e.g. Vancouver and Ottawa) before, but they've always been temporary relocations. This one certainly has more of a sense of permanence. And the bad thing about that is that I don't have a support network here - I know absolutely no one beyond a couple of colleagues. And considering that English isn't the most-widely spoken language, that means that it's harder (than normal) for me to meet people.

To increase my socialization prospects, I joined a group I found online. They are comprised of people who are new to Montreal like me, or who are "old hands" and are here to welcome the newbies. I went for coffee with them on Friday and I had a good time. Through them I also found out about a language exchange group that meets for dinners on Wednesday. I'll endeavour to go to some of those events just so I can improve my French. I'm tired of being embarrased everytime I open my mouth.

Now I have to admit, work has been a semi-daunting ordeal so far. I say "semi" because in the grand scheme, I'm doing the exact same job I did in Toronto, so it's not like I'm having to learn anything overly difficult. The daunting part is the getting acquainted with the workplace and socialization aspects of the new job location. On my first day of work I was shown my office (which was totally empty. It didn't even have a desk or pencil in it!), given access to the net, shown the lunch room and that was it. I was left on my own. I figured, "Okay, not a problem. I'll just leave my office door open, unpack, and I'll meet people sooner or later."

Well, it's been a week and I've only met about 3 people on my floor, one of them being my boss. This floor is a veritable ghost town! I just can't reach a happy medium. In Toronto the office was hectic because there were 3 of us, the phones were ringing and patients and doctors kept wandering in and out. Here, my floor is home to the offices of mostly doctors and clinicians, all of whom spend the majority of their time in their labs and clinics, so I never see anyone. It's the same with the student offices. Most of them are with their supervisors, those aforementioned elusive doctors and scientists. So I have to admit, I've been feeling a bit bereft socialization-wise.

To combat my loner-tendencies, I force myself to go to the lunch room everyday. I'm met with varying degrees of success each day. My first day, I didn't bother bringing a lunch because normally people go out for lunch or something with the newbie, or I figured that I could at least tag-along with a group who already had plans. Well, but the time 1PM rolled around and nobody had shown up, I realized that it was not meant to be and went out for lunch on my own. On my second day there was a whole table of ladies chatting in French but there wasn't any space so I sat with a couple of Chinese people, but they only spoke English and are preparing to move to the states. The third day one of the students from my program came and sat with me, and we chatted together with two other random people in a mixture of French and English. The fourth day there was no one, etc... Today was my most successful "socialization" day. I successfully sat and chatted with a co-op student from France for 40 minutes in French! Yay me! It's unfortunate that most of the people I've met are only "temporary" but at least it's getting a bit better.

So that's the quick run down on my quebec adventures so far. Maybe I should re-dub this blog in honour of its French slant now? Perhaps I'll call it, "Coureurs de Montreal" or "Mau dans la ville"... Nah, my French doesn't extend to bad puns yet.

Stream of consciousness

One of the things I learned in my grade 10 creative writing class was a writing exercise to get your creative/writing juices flowing. Essentially you just sat down and wrote for 5 minutes solid. It didn't have to make sense and you didn't have to correct your spelling. All you had to do was write for the sake of writing.

I miss writing. I used to really enjoy it but when I contemplated sitting down these days, I just get really weary at the thought of the effort required. This got me thinking of the stream of consciousness exercises - after all, the point of those was to get in the habit of writing, so I thought I'd give it a try. I came up with the idea last night and I even started brainstorming ideas of what to type about. It seems like very few of them got implemented. The result of my exercise was so amusing that I decided to post it for you to read. Enjoy!

I'm going to try this whole "stream of consciousness" thing again. I haven't done it since highschool but I think it's like a muscle - you have to work it out in order to get it working again. Or, like my analogy this morning, it's like having "sleep" in your eyes first thing in the morning. You've got to rub 'em (or it in this case) to get things flowing again. My mind is so weary these mornings. I don't know whether it's because I didn't get enough sleep (god those pillows are comfy) or whether it's just too early. Or, as I said, maybe my morning brain muscles have atrophied.

Oh gosh. Now my mind is starting to wake up a bit more and more. Is it coincidence or is this actually helping?

I keep reloading the CIHR website, hoping to find the results of our CIHR grant but it's not loaded yet. I suppose it was too much to hope that the results would be on first thing this morning, but a girl can dream, right?

I felt so inspired by the Twilight website last night. I really do miss writing. Or do I just miss the praise that went along with my written work? I miss the creation, the thrill and excitement of creating what I considered to be "rivetting" scenes. I'd really like to start practicing again - and hopefully that's what this writing exercise will do - give me the incentive to sit down and actually do something.

God. Those pillows were so soft and fluffy. I'm kind of grossed out at the idea of how long I've had my old ones. I don't even know where that ink spot came from. And I'm pretty sure they aren't meant to tbe an off-brownish colour. Yup. Gnarly. I'll have to set up a reminder in Outlook to change them every year.

So fluffy.

I also need to change my contacts. It's rather gross to realize that I've rarely cleaned my contacts this month. I just hate that whole "decontamination" process when I get home.

I miss wearing my sweatpants. I wish I could wear informal clothes here at work. My grad school shirt would get a hoot. I wonder what Michelle's dress looks like. I feel the urge to go shopping for myself now, but I can't justify it (I think) because I have stuff I can wear to the gala. I think I do at least. I'll have to double check the state that my clothes are in. Maybe I can justify it after all.

I wonder why I always misspell after all. I should look it up online. Maybe it's one of those weird words that aren't a word. Like shebang and hooplah. Heh. I just should try to include "shebang" in an email with Alyssa.

I wonder how Cathy's liking her new job. I haven't seen her online or anything on Facebook. It's crazy how people get into jobs they don't want just for a paycheque. I know that technically that's what I did, but at least I enjoy my job, if not my boss. I wonder if CIHR is loaded yet. I should go check. It's been morethan the 10 minutes I wanted to spend on this exercise.

Will this exercise count in my whole, "get used to writing again" attempt? Because I do write everyday... Just not so continuously. Maybe I should put this off until I get home and actually intend to write something for personal reasons.

Did my damned mp3 player freeze up? Oi. I don't know what to do. Oh email! I hope it's either Lyss or Bilodeau. I'd prefer the latter, if only to find out aobut the grant and nothing else. Here's teh incentive I need to finish this up. And off I go!

I concur.

Yup. This is me.

Electronically mugged!

You hear about it all the time but never think it could happen to you. Well, it can. And I'm proof! Identity theft!

I went to an ATM last night after work to withdraw some money. Bzzt. "Transaction denied." I'm like, "Huh?" So I try again. Same result. I figure it must just be that the machine isn't working so I go to another local bank and try their machine. Nope, the problem's still there.

I end up going back to my office to check my online banking balance... and just about throw up. I see that there's been a $500 withdrawal from a bank machine and another purchase for $85... Neither of which I did.

I immediately called PC Financial and tell them the situation. Lucky for me they had already cancelled my debit card. They set up an investigation and told me that I'd probably get my money back in 5 to 10 business days. Even more lucky for me, I came into work the next day and there was a message from them. I called them back and now I should have the money back by tomorrow! Apparently the withdrawals were happening in Quebec!!!

It's crazy how fast this happened! I'm 90% sure that my card information was "stolen" when I went to the St. Lawrence market this weekend. That's the only ATM I've used in awhile. It's also embarassing to know that I was careless enough that someone saw my PIN! I'm hoping that I at least got duped by a smart thief who installed a mini camera or something, because I normally do make a slight effort to hide my PIN and whatnot. Oh well, my lesson has been learned and I'm going to be a total paranoid freak from now on.

Checklist

Highlight the things you have done.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (or both.)
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (kinda hard not to)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing (indoors)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (Okay, it was Brownie cookies. Same diff.)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible (!!! Excuse me as I laugh hysterically...)
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

The other side of the tracks

Since moving to Toronto, I've encountered many lower class and poor people. Mostly I don't pay attention to them and they ignore me. I don't give money to homeless people. I'll donate money to homeless shelters or soup kitchens at times, but I don't give money to the people directly. It's sad at times to see the kinds of people who live on the street.

One day on the streetcar, one homeless gentleman kindly moved his stuff off the seat beside him so I could sit down. He was very polite but I'll admit that cultural conditioning made me feel uncomfortable sitting beside him at all. I took off my gloves and he tried talking to me, mentioning how he used to have 6 pairs of gloves but they got stolen, etc. I made a comment about it being too bad, and then pulled out my book so I could ignore him in the politest possible way. I couldn't help but feel worse for this guy because he must have had Parkinson's or something. He couldn't control his body - he was shaky, his head kept jerking in my direction, etc. I can't help but wonder what kind of life he has had to end up where he is now.

When I first moved here, a homeless woman came on the streetcar one evening and announced very loudly, "Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I haven't had anything to eat in 3 days and am starving," and then she proceeded to go up to every person in the car begging for money. Again, I wondered what her life must be like, to have to debase herself so much as to make announcements like that - it must take a lot of courage, and humiliation, to have to do that kind of thing.

When I mentioned this occurrence to my friend Michelle, she told me that she knew of the woman and that the lady was only really after money for drugs. I didn't really argue with Michelle because let's face it, that's the case at times, but I couldn't help but wonder if maybe she was just being too cavalier about the subject, or just biased.

Last night while I was waiting inside the streetcar stop (just a 3 sided shelter with clear walls to protect you against the wind), the same black woman came in. I assumed she would ask me for money and I strategically turned away so I could ignore her until the moment came. I could see her reflection in one of the windows. She was muttering and smoking. I saw her squat down and I assumed she was just cold and wrapping her arms around herself. But then I heard a splat, splat, splat sound. I thought she was throwing up or something, so I glanced backwards. That's when I realized she had copped a squat, pulled down her pants, and was peeing inside the shelter.

I was horrified. There were a gazillion other places nearby where she could have urinated and the fact that she chose to do so in the shelter with me less than a meter away totally freaked me out. I barreled out of the shelter and was relieved to see the streetcar coming. By this point, I was disturbed at even standing next to her. We both got on the streetcar and I managed to secure a seat by myself. (I was terrified that she would try to sit beside me.) A bit of the way down the street, she started licking her hand - like a dog would. Bit long wet smacking laps up and down her fingers. Thankfully she got off at a stop before I did.

The whole occurrence really disturbed me. Obviously the woman was high/strung out/whatever and Michelle was right. I just wonder what happened to bring the woman to such depths that she would urinate in a shelter right beside one of the most busiest intersections in Toronto. What kind of events could bring someone so low? It's seeing things like this that really makes me appreciate the life that I've had and continue to have.