Etiquette

This may or may not be true. I’m writing this based on my recollections. So if any of the individuals involved get offended by my portrayal of them, I apologize in advance.

My family is generally a very courteous bunch. In public we say please and thank you. (In private, this might not always be true.) We hold open doors or strollers or elderly people, etc. I have maintained these habits unto today.

If I get to a door first, I try to hold it open for those behind me. Obviously if there’s a stampede of individuals, I don’t bother. If I see a woman with a stroller or a delivery person with a large load to carry, I hold open doors for them too. (I also get really irritated when these people see me holding open the door but insist on hitting the handicap automatic door opener. It’s like, “Geez! I’m standing here waiting to help you but you don’t trust me?!”)

However, even though I’m all for equality between the sexes, I do find it very gratifying when a guy holds open the door for me. Or even better, when they scramble to hold open the door for me. It just shows some good old fashion politeness/chivalry in my opinion.

Now, let the guy bashing begin. On Friday I went out with 3 of my guy-friends. I was the token chick in the group. That entire night, I don’t remember them holding the door open for me once. Not once! And this is even after I would hold open doors for them! I mean, if we went into a building and there were two sets of doors, I would hold open the first door and let them pass. However, instead of returning the favour, these guys just sauntered through the second set of doors without reciprocating!

To be fair, I do recall that at one set of doors going to the subway, one of the guys did stop to let me go first. We did the awkward, “You go, no you go first” dance and I did end up going ahead of him. It was the double-door incident that made me notice how ungallant these guys were being. I started paying attention afterwards to see if it was just my imagination or if these slights were real.

Again, to be fair, two months ago I was out with two of these same guys for the Just For Laughs festival. I neglected to bring an umbrella and it started to monsoon rain. Luckily it was warm, so I wasn’t overly miserable. One of the guys tried to share his umbrella with me, which was rather pointless in my opinion – I was already soaked, so why make him get partially wet too? He insisted and I gave in for a bit, but we were constantly bumping into each other and once in awhile his umbrella would tilt and send a huge stream of water down my back. Later on that night, again they both tried to share, but I’d either get floods of water down my back or boobs, or the shorter guy would try to take my eyeballs out with the edges of his umbrella.

So if you’re a random guy out there reading this, the message is: The majority of girls still like the door being held open for them!

Conversations with the big guy

Zomg. My head was going to explode this morning. Today was the first discussion session for the grad course that my organization runs. I was running around (figuratively) like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to tackle all the stuff that popped up all at once.

Luckily everyone managed to attend with little to no problems. It went very smoothly. We just need to encourage the Francophone/Allophone students to speak some more and life will be perfect!

My boss came to do a short post-mortem session with me afterwards. We discussed some possible issues for future sessions, etc. Finally he tells me, “Feel free to make use of me in any way that is needed.” (As in, feel free to call him for help if the course is having problems.)

I replied, “Those are dangerous words to say in my presence.” (In the sense of, I might call on him all the time.)

He says, “Well, you know me. I’m quite willing to help, but I’m not always prompt on responding to my emails.”

I couldn’t stop the sarcasm from erupting, “Really? I hadn’t noticed!”

He just cackled in response.

Snubbing

Since arriving in Montreal, I’ve become remarkably good at snubbing people. Most of it is justified – e.g. I don’t bother replying to people handing out the Quran, or bible, or copies of the Bhagavad-Gita. Nor do I accept flyers or pamphlets from the people protesting puppy mills, etc. Nope. When I’m walking, I tend to charge ahead and bull through things. If someone’s overly aggressive, I just jump out the way and detour around them.

It took me a full month (or two) to train one fellow not to pester me though. Everyday outside of my metro station there’s a guy handing out free copies of “24 Heures” – a French newspaper. He’s very aggressive about handing them out. He’ll nudge himself in your way to try to force you to take the paper. He also announces over and over, “24 Hours, free to take, 24 Hours,” etc. It’s very aggravating. It also doesn’t help that it’s morning whenever I encounter him. As already mentioned, I don’t do mornings.

After a month of ignoring him though, he got the hint. Now whenever I pass by him, he withholds his newspapers and just nods in recognition of my surliness. Phew.

Going bananas...

Last year my apartment suffered a break in. I came home to discover my bananas were hanging half way out the kitchen window and that some nefarious fiend had stolen my $2 avocado! The nerve!

Obviously this wasn't a common criminal. No, this must have been the work of a super-squirrel! One that could climb vertical surfaces without a safety harness. Who could leap long distances without fear!

How did they accomplish this fiendish act? Well, during the summer I have my AC installed in my kitchen. However, when it's not too hot, I like to keep the window open as far as it can. Unfortunately the way it is set up, I can't close the screen at the same time, so there's always a 20 cm gap. That's how the brutish beast accomplishes his acts of terror.

This year, he seemed to have avoided my apartment again. (Or perhaps my fruit selections weren't to his taste.) However, last Saturday something woke me up at 6am. I heard a small clunk sound and some scratching. My heart was pounding. I thought there was a burglar in my apartment! I played dead, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. Eventually I realized that the sound was too quiet to be a person and it stopped, so I assumed that it was a mouse.

I was wrong.

When I finally got up, I discovered that my archenemy had struck again. He decided to dig around the oregano plant that was sitting on my counter! Dirt was everywhere! If you know me, you know not to mess with my plants. I patched up my plant as best I could and resolved to close the window that night. And after a day full of cooking and grocery shopping, that's exactly what I did.

Except he outsmarted me again.

The next morning I decided to make pancakes and top them with a banana. But when I fetched said banana, I discovered that he had partially eaten one of them!!!

Apparently the monster conducted a raid during mid-day while I was home! Can you believe his gall? Never mind that; I'm more horrified by the fact that I got beaten by a SQUIRREL. Needless to say, the AC is now removed and the screen is back in place.

That doesn't stop him from dreaming though. Today I heard what sounded like someone moving a ladder outside. I pulled back my kitchen window curtains, and there he way. Clinging to my screen. I could see his wicked plans for theft in his beady little eyes. Luckily he was foiled by the screen. Phew!