Help, I've been defiled!

I totally just got ejaculated upon by my bottle of moisturizer, and boy does it have long range! LOL, I was moving my laptop off my desk and trying to wrangle my power cord around a bunch of books. I accidentally knocked my giant pump bottle of moisturizer off the desk and it landed on the floor... But in the process, it managed to launch some of its contents upwards and smacked me on the forehead, the bottom of my laptop, on my bed, etc.